#WorkoutWednesday: Why I broke up with my personal trainer.

When they are stressed, some people lose their appetite.  Others have a hard time sleeping or concentrating.
I eat.
I eat everything in sight - good, bad, ugly, pretty.  If it's in front of me, I eat it and I eat all of it.  Between October 2009 to October 2010, I gained close to 25lbs by emotionally eating.  Over a year and a half later, the weight is still on.

If you follow my blog, Facebook, or tweets, you'll know that since that time, I have run a half marathon, I've been going to the gym (kinda), and I've had a personal trainer.  You'd think I'd be a #skinnybitch by now, but unfortunately I am the opposite.  I've spent countless hours contemplating WHY OH WHY am I not seeing results? Hence the reason I signed with a trainer in the first place.

In 2008, I was about the same weight that I am now.  I was miserable and needed a change.  So I got myself a trainer at the gym and within 4 months I lost 20lbs and was feeling amazing.  A year later, I had lost another 10lbs, ran my first half marathon, and was in the best shape of my life.  It was one year after that when things went downhill.  Because it worked in 2008, for the past 1.5 yrs I've been under the impression that I can just throw money into a personal trainer and expect to see the same results I saw before.  Unfortunately (and obviously), that has not worked. 

I have to remind myself that my life was very different back in 2008.  I was working from home with little to do most of the time.  I didn't have any extra curricular things going on (including this blog).  I wasn't as social as I am now...I certainly had a lot of time on my hands.  I was also undergoing a spiritual transformation - learning more about the power within and was able to control my thoughts much better than I do today.  I had a different life back then.

Today I have a more intense full-time job, I am building a business on the side and I manage my blog and personal brand online.  I have a more exciting social life and involve myself in small projects here and there.  With lack of free time, I barely go to the gym and have fallen into poor eating habits.  By simply getting a trainer, I assumed that I would magically drop the pounds - as if it's a button I can press to see a totally new me.  What I failed to acknowledge was the hard work and dedication that went into the initial weight loss.  Apparently those were just details.

When I first started with my trainer, I saw him once a week and had a program to keep me busy in between.  I probably averaged one or two weekly gym visits on my own - it was supposed to be three to five.  When I moved downtown, I wanted to keep my trainer, so we decided to train once every two weeks at his condo gym in Scarborough (20-30min away from my place).  I had good weeks where I was able to do his program on my own, and others where my life took over and I did not make time for the gym.  Most recently, it got to the point where my sessions with him would be the only workout I'd get in a month.  Pathetic.

With this training relationship, a few things were going on.

1. Because of the infrequency of our visits, it was easy for me to slack off in the first week and try to "make it up" in the second week.  I know how silly that sounds, but that's really what went through my mind. 
2. Every time I didn't do the program, I felt an extreme weight on my shoulders - a looming feeling of guilt.  
3. I began to resent the 2 hours that training took from my (bi-weekly) Sunday mornings. 

I love him to death - he's really an amazing trainer...but I was not an amazing client.  Eventually, I found myself in a situation where I was paying too much money for a really intense workout twice a month.  It simply wasn't worth it.  I wanted to release the guilt, the regret and the resentment that came along with being a sh!tty client and decided it was best for me to take a break from personal training.  I am not in the head space for it right now.  That much I can admit.

I realize that I need to make changes in my life.  There is no quick fix.  I can't just sign up for a marathon, pay for a trainer, or go to a couple of fitness classes and expect to see a big difference.  I need to make working out and eating healthy a top priority in my life.  In fact, it needs to be a personal value.

My experiment for June is to incorporate healthier habits in my life.  I can no longer use my lifestyle as an excuse, after all, it's my lifestyle that is preventing me from being my best self.  Before I set myself up with ambitious goals, I need to carve out time in my life for regular, routine workouts.  Once I feel confident in my changed lifestyle, I think I will be in a better place to go back to training.

I've spent too much time looking for a quick fix.  Wake up Anjali.  Losing weight requires HARD WORK, SELF DISCIPLINE, and DEDICATION.  I have to take the accountability to change my life.  If I don't, no one else will.  This is NOT 2008.  What worked then will not work today.  I need to constantly remind myself of this.

June will be the month.  Why?  Because I've had enough.  I hate the way I look and feel.  I hate being nervous when other people take photos of me.  I hate not being able to wear great clothes that are in my closet.  I am starting to notice that even the clothes that used to fit comfortably are getting tighter.  Enough is Enough - I can't let this go any further.  There's no trainer for me to blame now - it's on me.  June will be the month.

Wish me luck.

- Anjali
xoxoxo

Have you been stuck in a rut?  How do you motivate yourself into a healthy lifestyle?